Fünf Entwicklungsbereiche von Paarbeziehungen

Die Paarbeziehung als gemeinsames Entwicklungsprojekt mit gemeinsamen Entwicklungsaufgaben Diagnosing and Working with a Matrix of development: Domains of Development in partner relationships Being enamoured/related and growing in erotic affairs   Talking together/related and growing in talking Acting together/related and growing in doing (fun, creative, generative) things together Negotiating Mutuality/related and growing in psychological affairs Sharing intimacy/related more and more substancially to the history of the conjoint relationship Steps of exploration and hypothesising Invite the couple to the concept of development and the relationship as a joint project Introduce appropriatly to the idea of five main domains of development in partner relationships Detect underdeveloped (inactive, neglected) domains and developmental expenses, which should be worked on, to revive and get development going Find out problems, blockades or gaps of development Create together with the couple developmental areas (situations during the sessions, at home, or at other places/times) where the couple can co-operate on their developmental expenses. Accompanie the process with support (distant as possible, near as nessesary) and with watchful eyes (what’s runs well, what not). Jan Bleckwedel www.fehrfeld.de

Wenn (!) Beziehung gelingt No doubt, psychological research shows there are some fundamental human needs. Needs for: The feeling of being embedded, of structur and membership: a partner relationship is one good possibility The feeling of Love: being in love (attention, care, bonding, tenderness, passion and desire) is one good possibility The feeling of Meaning: Communikation and Meta-Communication in a relationship is one good possibility The feeling of being productive: Creative cooperation in a relationship is one good possibility The feeling of being and having a meaningful Counterpart: Negotiation mutuality in a relationship is one good possibility The experience of transcendence: sharing intimicy in a relationship is one good possibility All experts will agree with the fact, that happiness in partner relationships correlats highly with physical health, vitality, joy of living and experiencing a meaningful life. Not at least it is an adventure: much more exiting than every other adventure can be. There are some good reasons to approach a partner relationship as a joint venture for the development of a loving relationship. Kann sich die Qualität einer Beziehung weiterentwickeln Jan Bleckwedel www.fehrfeld.de

Entwicklungsaspekte in der Langzeitperspektive (I) Fortschreitende Integration und rekursive Zirkularität V IV III II I

Entwicklungsaspekte in der Langzeitperspektive (II) Geschichtlichkeit

Entwicklungsaspekte in der Kurzzeitperspektive Gleichzeitigkeit

SEMEP: Der praktische Nutzen des Modells für Paare National Survey 2015 Germany (and other researches) point out: Women (as in any place in the world) work more and harder than men (the whole work: paid for and not paid for) Mothers spend double of time with their children as fathers Mothers which go to work spend the same time with their children than housewives (more and more mothers go to work) Most fathers wish to spend more time with their children (only 1/5 of mothers wish to spend more time with their children) 60 % of the couples wish to live their daily relationship as a modern and fair partnership based on equality – but in reality the allocation of roles, tasks and responsibilities is still more like in the past Many things have changed – but we have to notice, that the role models, the concepts and the mindmaps of how partner relationships should be and work are based on and rooted deeply in traditional (and kind of archaic) models. Jan Bleckwedel www.fehrfeld.de

SEMEP/Entwicklungsmatrix als Orientierungshilfe: Überblick und Zusammenhang

Ein Navi für die Herausforderungen der Postmoderne 1950 So let us go back about 65 years from now. It is called the 50th of the 20th century. What we find, is a strong force to get married, if you want to live together, and a strong constraint to stay together, if you are married.   To get divorced means: Economic ruin Social and familial exclusion Social decline (loss of job) Moral damnation To get divorce or staying together: the decision is not free in 1950 in europe/germany. That changed dramatically Jan Bleckwedel www.fehrfeld.de

Herausforderungen und gemeinsame Entwicklungsaufgaben   Jan Bleckwedel www.fehrfeld.de

Erkenntnisse, die hilfreich sind National Survey 2015 Germany (and other researches) point out: Women (as in any place in the world) work more and harder than men (the whole work: paid for and not paid for) Mothers spend double of time with their children as fathers Mothers which go to work spend the same time with their children than housewives (more and more mothers go to work) Most fathers wish to spend more time with their children (only 1/5 of mothers wish to spend more time with their children) 60 % of the couples wish to live their daily relationship as a modern and fair partnership based on equality – but in reality the allocation of roles, tasks and responsibilities is still more like in the past Many things have changed – but we have to notice, that the role models, the concepts and the mindmaps of how partner relationships should be and work are based on and rooted deeply in traditional (and kind of archaic) models. Jan Bleckwedel www.fehrfeld.de

SEMEP: Der praktische Nutzen für die Therapie&Beratung von Paaren Entwicklung im Einzelfall besser verstehen In der Langzeitperspektive / in der Kurzzeitperspektive Krisen als Entwicklungskrisen verstehen: Springpunkte und sensible Übergänge identifizieren Probleme und Schwierigkeiten als Entwicklungsblockierung differenziert verstehen Entwicklungsbereiche (und Entwicklungsaufgaben) identifizieren: die (zu) wenig entwickelt sind, (zu lange) brachliegen, mehr entwickelt werden könnten, usw. Bereiche und gemeinsame Entwicklungsaufgaben identifizieren, die in einer Entwicklungskrise/blockade eine Schlüsselfunktion haben könnten National Survey 2015 Germany (and other researches) point out: Women (as in any place in the world) work more and harder than men (the whole work: paid for and not paid for) Mothers spend double of time with their children as fathers Mothers which go to work spend the same time with their children than housewives (more and more mothers go to work) Most fathers wish to spend more time with their children (only 1/5 of mothers wish to spend more time with their children) 60 % of the couples wish to live their daily relationship as a modern and fair partnership based on equality – but in reality the allocation of roles, tasks and responsibilities is still more like in the past Many things have changed – but we have to notice, that the role models, the concepts and the mindmaps of how partner relationships should be and work are based on and rooted deeply in traditional (and kind of archaic) models. Jan Bleckwedel www.fehrfeld.de

Keine Chance ohne Entwicklung/keine Entwicklung ohne Risiko Konsequente Entwicklungsorientierung: Leitideen einer systemisch-entwicklungsorientierten Paarberatung (S-E-P) Wir müssen Entwicklungen verstehen, um nachhaltige Lösungen zu (er)finden und zu gestalten Keine Chance ohne Entwicklung/keine Entwicklung ohne Risiko Konflikte sind Prozessoren für Entwicklung Gelingende Lösungen tragen die Entwicklung National Survey 2015 Germany (and other researches) point out: Women (as in any place in the world) work more and harder than men (the whole work: paid for and not paid for) Mothers spend double of time with their children as fathers Mothers which go to work spend the same time with their children than housewives (more and more mothers go to work) Most fathers wish to spend more time with their children (only 1/5 of mothers wish to spend more time with their children) 60 % of the couples wish to live their daily relationship as a modern and fair partnership based on equality – but in reality the allocation of roles, tasks and responsibilities is still more like in the past Many things have changed – but we have to notice, that the role models, the concepts and the mindmaps of how partner relationships should be and work are based on and rooted deeply in traditional (and kind of archaic) models. Jan Bleckwedel www.fehrfeld.de

Vier Fragen a) Erinnern Sie sich an eine Zeit oder an ein Ereignis, wo Sie ihren Partner/ ihre Partnerin in seiner/ihrer Entwicklung unterstützt haben? b) Erinnern Sie sich an eine Zeit oder an ein Ereignis, wo ihr Partner/ihre Partnerin sie in ihrer Entwicklung unterstützt hat? c) Erinnern Sie sich an eine Zeit oder an ein Ereignis, wo sie die Entwicklung ihrer Beziehung unterstützt und vorangetrieben haben? d) Erinnern Sie sich an eine Zeit oder an ein Ereignis, wo sie mit ihrem Partner/ihre Partnerin bei der Entwicklung ihrer Beziehung besondern gut, vielleicht kreativ zusammengearbeitet haben National Survey 2015 Germany (and other researches) point out: Women (as in any place in the world) work more and harder than men (the whole work: paid for and not paid for) Mothers spend double of time with their children as fathers Mothers which go to work spend the same time with their children than housewives (more and more mothers go to work) Most fathers wish to spend more time with their children (only 1/5 of mothers wish to spend more time with their children) 60 % of the couples wish to live their daily relationship as a modern and fair partnership based on equality – but in reality the allocation of roles, tasks and responsibilities is still more like in the past Many things have changed – but we have to notice, that the role models, the concepts and the mindmaps of how partner relationships should be and work are based on and rooted deeply in traditional (and kind of archaic) models. Jan Bleckwedel www.fehrfeld.de

Danke (This model is, as far as I know, the only elaborated model for the development of partner relationships. It is intentionally not based on pathology or disorder, but on the idea of a positive, salutogenetic development.) There is an implication (in this model), which is important for me and may be for others as well: The continous development of an ongoing and challenging partner relationship with, time after time, joy, passion, desire, adventure and felicity is not an illusion. It is science in its best way: an imagination, which could be come true, like the imagination, that humans can fly. Jan Bleckwedel www.fehrfeld.de